| Tuesday, November 30th, 2004 |
| 7:40 am |
This is not quite a traditional journal (see userinfo) Start at the beginning and scroll forward post by post. You'll be a lot happier for it. - JMS |
| Wednesday, December 25th, 1996 |
| 11:48 pm |
Day seven: Conclusion Which brings us up to right now. ( Read more... ) |
| 11:24 pm |
Day Seven: Aftermaths II After that, I retreated to my room for a while, sitting on my bed and watching the sky slowly darken outside my window under thickening cloud cover. My room sat just as it was when she left. ( Read more... ) |
| 11:04 pm |
Day Seven: Aftermaths I I woke up, by the clock on the VCR, about an hour later. Stoner Paul hadn't returned yet. I stared at the ceiling some more, unable to escape the images in my mind, and finally threw the blanket back and got up off the couch, knowing what I had to do. ( Read more... ) |
| 10:48 pm |
I told them everything during the car ride back -- Zaiah, my run, the trip downtown, right up to stoner Paul's lucky save. I repeated the entire story when we got home, as Ellie -- who had been playing command post in the living room -- cleaned and bandaged my arm up. ( Read more... ) |
| 10:41 pm |
I threaded my way through a clump of people wandering down toward the buses -- no Marco -- and headed for the escalator to the street. As I got to its base, a small breeze blew up, bringing a blast of chilly air down toward me. I hesitated. I'd been outside all morning and survived just fine, but after the warmth of the bus and the comfort of the underground station, I wasn't looking forward to going back out there. I found myself wishing, yet again, that I'd had the presence of mind to bring a coat, or even just put it on a few moments earlier. ( Read more... ) |
| 10:09 pm |
Soon enough, the bus wound its way into the tunnels and coasted to a stop at my destination -- Westlake Center. The underground bus station was more crowded than the bus' tiny load had led me to expect. ( Read more... ) |
| 9:55 pm |
Nobody home. I left a long, rambling message on her answering machine. How much I loved her and how much I was sorry and how I was begging her, *begging* her, to talk things over with me because I was pretty sure -- no, I knew -- that I had overreacted and I hadn't meant to upset her. ( Read more... ) |
| 9:38 pm |
It's hard and traumatic trying to trace my memories back into that period after I left the house. ( ... ) There is one thing I remember knowing: I had failed. In every way possible, I had failed. ( Read more... ) |
| 9:13 pm |
I woke up later that morning, my blankets crumpled up against the wall, with a pounding headache. ( Read more... ) |
| 8:57 pm |
The nightmare didn't start immediately. It crept up on me slowly. When I opened my eyes, the love of my life naked in my arms in the light of the morning sun from the window I'd unblocked the day before, it was the calm before the storm. ( Read more... ) |
| 8:14 pm |
Day seven: The reckoning Dammit. I've broken down into tears twice now while sitting down and trying to get started. Every time I look at that last sentence staring accusingly out at me from the screen, everything comes all flooding back. It becomes too much. I'm going to type for a while without looking at the screen. I can correct the typos later. Right now I just need yesterday to scroll away. It wouldn't feel right somehow to delete it, but I can't bear to look. I've had a very long day. ( Read more... ) |
| Tuesday, December 24th, 1996 |
| 11:57 pm |
Not Safe For Work I'm sitting down in the dark to type this up quietly. I've got a headful of thoughts swirling around. I don't know how to start to say them all. And what I *really* want to do is throw open the front door, raise my hands to the heavens, and shout at the top of my lungs, "YES!" But that would wake Zaiah up. ( I know you've been waiting for the juicy stuff ) |
| 4:33 pm |
The house has been empty and silent all day. Marco's downtown. Ellie and stoner Paul drove off somewhere. Even Jenny took off for The Ave to do some Christmas window shopping to get her mind off things. And Chad? ( Read more... ) |
| 3:27 pm |
I spent some time this morning catching up with my sister on the phone. It was a nice change of pace. ( Read more... ) |
| 11:52 am |
When I finally felt good enough to wander outside to the living room, it was silent and almost empty. The couch's white slipcover had been removed, the kitchen table moved back to its usual place, and the big banner taken down, but other than that the room still showed all the signs of the aftermath of last night's party. ( Read more... ) |
| 10:43 am |
Speaking of parties and drinking games, I was in no shape to write about it last night, but one of the party's later highlights was the rousing drinking game that we walked into upstairs after Chris started winding down the dancing. ( Read more... ) |
| 10:19 am |
Day six Early Christmas present: A hangover. ( Read more... ) |
| Monday, December 23rd, 1996 |
| 10:43 pm |
Gone home for night. Zaiah! DAMMIT! Was so close. ( Read mroe... ) Current Mood:  drunk |
| 7:47 pm |
Zaiah's downstairs dancing, moving like a goddess through a porch full of half-drunk, stumbling fools. I hate breaking away from her side to sneak into my room for this, but this is about the last chance I'm going to get to write anything tonight. ( Read more... ) |
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